sin is never ever a good idea

One of thee worst phrases in all of Mormondom is “You chose this trial.” I have heard this phrase many, many times from well-meaning but ignorant people–especially when we found out we couldn’t have kids. Somehow assigning some nobility to my suffering made them feel better. Well, that stupid phrase never made me feel better. Someone has watched Saturday’s Warrior one too many times if they believe we chose everything before we came to mortality. I don’t even care if it is (I doubt it) true because that doesn’t help me get through today’s troubles. It’s akin to rubbing my face in a bowl full of pain.

The second worst phrase in all of Mormondom, the one that makes me bristle because it is so common, is: “I am grateful for my trials.” Now I believe you can be grateful for the lessons you learn from trials; I believe you can be grateful to feel God’s love for you so acutely in your moment of suffering that you can never again doubt His, or your divinity. And maybe when the trials are just a part of everyday life you can be grateful for the actual trial, but I do not believe for one minute I need to be grateful for the sin that, unbeknownst to me, has been a part of my 20-yr marriage.

I will never, ever be grateful to know that my husband is capable of lying to me.

I will never be grateful to know that my husband has seen and lusted after thousands of naked women.

Sin is never a good idea and we don’t have to go looking for it, nor love it to prove that the Atonement works. As Elder Holland has said, “We don’t have to look for sorrow. We don’t have to seek to be martyrs. Trouble has a way of finding us even without our looking for it.”  Bingo Elder H.

men are that they might

To be grateful for this filthy trial that my husband chose (God did not send this to me) would be to be a martyr, happily suffering because of his misuse of agency. We just read this scripture from 2 Nephi 2:27 with my children the other night “… are that they might have joy.” We are supposed to have joy in this life–we are not here to embrace suffering as martyrs because of someone else’s sins. The Gospel makes me happy, sin does not.

Martyrdom is overrated.


Posted on December 9, 2014, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I really appreciate this post! I have heard this soooo many times. No mayter what the trial is people always say you should be grateful. It’s not true. The trial of pornogrophy is not sent by heavenly father. It is not for our growth or our benefit. Heavenly Father can strengthen us to endure and overcome and for that we can be grateful but porn is not a gift of a blessing or anything we should be grateful for!


  2. Love this. I tried conveying a similar idea in a talk I gave a few weeks ago. I am not often grateful for my trials, but I am grateful for how I grow, and what I learn. Thanks for sharing this.


  3. My Bishop told me something remarkable the first time I met with him after DDay. He said, “I never want you to think that Heavenly Father gave you this trial. Your husband gave you this trial.” It was amazing. And it is 1000% true.


  4. Oh my goodness, I related to every single thing on here. Even the grateful for the trials thing. ESPECIALLY the grateful thing. I love what your bishop said, AnneGirl! How awesome that is!


  5. YES! THIS! I love this!!! Oh my heck, I have always hated when people remind me I chose these trials in the pre-existence…as if that’s supposed to make me NOT feel so much pain. Really? I have written many blog posts on my regular blog about gratitude in trials and every single one of them talks about the lessons I’ve learned. Ive had a lot of trials I would never give back because of what I’ve learned. Am I grateful for the heartache? HELL NO! Am I grateful for the lies and the divorce? Not even a little bit. But I can be grateful for the growth I’ve received. I agree with AnneGirl. These trials are not from God, they are due to our free agency. Our husbands gave us these trials. Not God. God did not put porn on thi earth with the intent that we would all “learn” from it’s repercussions. That’s just frickin absurd!
    THANK YOU for writing this!!!


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